


Shadow Play

by EightDrinkAmy



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Happy Ending, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5198126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightDrinkAmy/pseuds/EightDrinkAmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Maya realizes she's in love with Riley, Riley thinks she's acting strangely because she likes Lucas. Maya must decide whether to keep her secret or risk everything by telling Riley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadow Play

Shadows change as the light source causing them moves. You know this; you’ve observed it countless times in your exploration of art. You love shadow play; if you set up a bunch of junk just right and shine a light on it, it can become a beautiful landscape or portrait or still life. The sky is the limit, until the light goes out--after that, the beautiful shadows stop existing.

 

You see Riley as your own light. It’s always been that way; Riley is your closest friend and she brings out the best in you. You feel truly beautiful when Riley is around.

 

There is something different, though, something that’s changed since you became friends, and you can’t put your finger on it. Your shadow has shifted in Riley’s light, but you can’t figure out how.

 

It starts with the weird feeling you get in your chest whenever you see Riley. It’s something like excitement, but not quite the same. There’s also love, which has always been there, and….

 

And fear. Nervousness. Anxiety. Things you have never felt when you’re with Riley. Things that usually _disappear_ in Riley’s presence.

 

You go to your mom about it first. It’s one of those rare times you can’t talk to Riley about something, and it feels wrong, but you need to figure this out before it affects your friendship.

 

“Mom,” you start, seated on the battered couch in the center of your apartment. “What does it mean when you start feeling weird around someone you’ve always been comfortable with?”

 

“That depends,” she says. “Is this somebody a boy?”

 

You hesitate. “Would it make a difference if it is?” you ask. For some reason, you don’t want to let on to who it is or even say anything that would create a bias. Why _would_ it make a difference if it were a guy?

 

“It might,” your mom says, “and it might not. Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

You shrug; you’re not even completely sure how to explain it. “It’s just…I get almost nervous now. Not because they’ve changed or something; they haven’t. I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I want it to stop.”

 

“Well, do you still care for them?”

 

You take a deep breath and nod. “More than anything.”

 

“Then I think you’re talking to the wrong person about it.” She gives you an encouraging smile and runs her fingers through your hair. “Maybe you should talk to Riley, or maybe you should think about why exactly you’re getting nervous around her.”

 

You frown. “How did you know I was talking about Riley?”

 

“I know you, Maya,” she says, “and I know that Riley is the most important thing in the world to you. Why do you think she’s making you nervous all of a sudden?”

 

You shake your head. “I--I don’t know. I really don’t, mom. And it’s…it’s not just nervousness, either. I don’t know how to describe it. It happens when I think about her, too, and it’s…I don’t know….” You trail off. “It’s just like a ball that sits in my chest and weighs my heart down.”

 

“Oh, sweetheart….”

 

“What is it?” you ask. “I need to know why this is happening.”

 

“You’re going to have to do some soul searching, baby girl,” she says hesitantly. “I can’t say for you, but…to me, it sounds like you’re in love.”

 

* * *

 

 

Your mother is right; you knew she was right the moment the words left her mouth. You don’t know what to do now; this is honestly worse than you’d thought. How could you possibly come out of this without hurting either yourself or your friendship with Riley?

 

The only option you can see is to get rid of your feelings somehow. Push them down, ignore them, stop being so close with Riley. You feel a pang of sadness every time you think about it, but you’re sure that if you can just do this for a little while you can go back to the way things were before. You just have to keep your cool and push through it.

 

It’s harder than you’d thought it would be when you show up at Riley’s window in the morning to take her to school. You don’t know how to break the habits you’ve created over seven years of friendship; how could you explain to her that you don’t want to walk to school with her anymore? How do you just…stop holding her hand? How do you stop sitting so close to her that you can feel the heat of her skin and have comfort in simply knowing she’s there? How do you stop holding her tightly enough for her to feel safe when she’s scared or sad or hurt?

 

You don’t know if you can.

 

* * *

 

 

You don’t talk much on the way to school. Riley does plenty of talking for the both of you, but all you can do is nod or hum in reply. The ball of nerves has settled into your gut and it keeps spinning hard enough to make you feel physically sick.

 

You slip into your seat without a word when you get to class, and you can see Riley looking at you out of the corner of your eye, but you keep your gaze locked forward onto the blackboard. For once, you go the entire period without opening your mouth. Your mind is too preoccupied for anything else.

 

You don’t listen to a word Mr. Matthews says and you feel empty when you get up to head to your next class.

 

“Maya?” Your breath catches in your throat as you turn to face Riley. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all morning.”

 

You shrug and muster a halfhearted smile. “I’m fine; just tired. I stayed up late last night,” you say. It isn’t technically a lie.

 

It doesn’t look like Riley completely believes you, but she drops the subject. You can’t help but to notice that she seems disheartened after that.

 

You think you’re in the clear until Lucas catches up to you while you’re waiting for Riley to get her books from her locker. “Hey, everything okay?” he asks. “You weren’t acting like yourself back there.”

 

“Sure I was,” you say stiffly.

 

“You didn’t say anything all class,” he presses. “And you just spoke to me without calling me a name.”

 

You take a deep breath and shake your head before turning on your heel and walking to class, leaving Lucas behind and Riley staring after you confusedly before she looks back at Lucas with a sort of finality.

 

She shows up to math class shortly after you do, and this time she’s silent as well as she takes her seat. Neither of you utter another word until lunch, and when it comes, Riley’s the first to speak.

 

“I know something is wrong, Maya,” she says as you poke at the food on your tray with a fork. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that, right?”

 

“Yeah,” you say, “and I would tell you if something is wrong, but it’s not.” You hesitate. “I promise, Riles.”

 

“You don’t have to protect me!” Riley continues. “I’m a big girl. I can handle it if you like Lucas; I just don’t want you to be pushing your feelings aside because of me. I saw you guys in the hallway this morning.”

 

You don’t say anything. You can’t; no matter what you say, it’ll be the wrong thing.

 

“You like Lucas,” Riley says again with quiet certainty. “And…that’s okay. I think I like him in a different way.” She pauses. “Yeah. I think I like him like a brother.”

 

You blink and look up at her in surprise. Is that really how she sees him? You’d thought….You’d thought she was in love with him. You’d thought he would be the one to take her away from you eventually.

 

The corners of your lips turn up almost imperceptibly as you take a bite of your lunch.

 

* * *

 

 

“You need to tell Lucas how you feel.”

 

You shake your head. “That isn’t going to happen.”

 

She’s been talking about it since school got out and you’re in too deep to deny it. Would it even hurt so bad to try dating him? After all, if you could somehow develop feelings for him instead of Riley, it would solve your biggest problem. It would be perfect….

 

If you could stand the thought of having a relationship with him.

 

You love him, sure--as a friend. There’s never been any question of that; he’s one of the close few that you have, but you can’t fathom the thought of being intimate with him.

 

“Really, Maya, what’s holding you back? I want you to be happy.” Her voice cracks when she says this, and your heart breaks all over again. She’s lying. She does like Lucas. She’s just given it away, and you wish you hadn’t gotten yourself into this mess. You wish you’d never asked your mom for advice; you were better off not knowing.

 

Riley watches you silently for a few long moments, then takes a deep breath and raises her hand to show off her friendship ring. “Ring power,” she says quietly. “Tell me why you won’t go after Lucas.”

 

You heave a sigh. “Because I don’t like him,” you say eventually. “Because _you_ like him, and because….” You trail off. You’d almost said it. You almost _want_ to say it, but the pressing fear of ruining your friendship weighs down on you and you can’t do it.

 

“If you don’t like him, then why have you been acting so weird all day?” Riley asks. “Please, just tell me. If something’s wrong then I need to try to help; you’re my best friend and I don’t like seeing you like--“

 

“Stop!” You close your eyes. “Just…stop, please,” you murmur. You’re tired. It’s only been a day since you’d realized you’re in love with your best friend, and you’re exhausted. How are you supposed to survive this? _How?_

You can’t stop the tears from welling up in your eyes and dripping down your cheeks. You can’t face Riley; you can’t look at her, and you only tense up when you feel her place her hand on your shoulder.

 

“I…I’m sorry, Maya,” she says softly. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but…is there any way I can help? Anything at all that I can do?”

 

You shake your head. The only thing she could do is stay away from you, but you wouldn’t even be able to handle that. Maybe your only option really is to tell her. You wipe your eyes and turn to face her, and your heart skips a beat when you see how concerned she looks.

 

“Riley…I need to tell you something, and all I need you to do is to be okay with it,” you say slowly. “I need you to not let it change anything.”

 

Riley’s frown deepens, but she nods and takes your hand, shooting chills down your spine. “Of course; I promise that no matter what, nothing will change,” she says seriously.

 

You nod and take a deep breath. “I’ve noticed lately that…that I’ve been feeling nervous around you, and….” You clear your throat; you’re actually trembling a little bit, and you hate the feeling of vulnerability eating away at you. “I-I couldn’t figure it out until last night, but….Riles, I think I’m in love with you.”

 

Her eyes widen, but she doesn’t say anything, and your stomach drops. “Please say something.”

 

She blinks and shakes her head. “Maya--I….” She looks at you. “I don’t think I can keep that promise. Something is going to have to change.”

 

It’s like the breath has been knocked out of your lungs. You can feel it now; your shadow is going to pop out of existence as soon as Riley ends your friendship. Your light is going to be gone.

 

But she doesn’t leave. She just pulls you into a tight hug and holds you to her chest as if she’s never going to let go. “I’m gonna have to start calling you my girlfriend now,” she says finally.

 

“What?” You pull out of the embrace and she’s smiling sheepishly, her cheeks tinged with rose. You don’t think she’s ever been more beautiful than she is right now.

 

“I’m in love with you, too, Peaches,” she says. “I think I always have been,” she adds quietly.

 

“Whoa.”

 

Riley tilts her head. “What?”

 

“I was just…always so afraid that one day the people we fell in love with would draw us apart,” you say, “that they’d take up all of our time and that we wouldn’t spend much time together anymore.”

 

Riley smiles and takes your hands again, and this time you feel warmth spreading through you, defining your shadow, making it grow. “That won’t ever have to happen now,” she says. “We’ll always have each other.”

 

And you believe her.

 

 


End file.
